One Hell of a Host Club
by therentistoodamnhigh
Summary: As a result of unexplained temporal and cross-dimensional shenanigans, Ciel and Sebastian find themselves in the world of Ouran High School Host Club. This is a catalog of their adventures together. (Because Kuro needs more fluff.)


**Author's note:** This is not a serious fanfiction, but it's not total crack either. Updates will be few and far between, so be patient if you decide that you like it. This is my first story on and for Kuroshitsuji, but it's far from my first fanfiction ever. I tried to keep them in character as best I could. Please enjoy.

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><p>Sebastian had just served Ciel his afternoon tea when a brief rumble was felt in the study. No screaming or explosions followed the gentle rumble, which had softly vibrated the floor and lightly rattled loose objects in the room.<p>

Ciel frowned, his teacup raised halfway to his mouth. "What was that, Sebastian? It couldn't have been the servants, could it?" He took a sip of his tea, looking at Sebastian expectantly.

"I am fairly certain it wasn't the other servants, but I'm not sure what it could have been," Sebastian replied.

A stronger rumble vibrated the room for about five seconds, nearly toppling a vase of flowers and tilting a painting on the wall. When the vibrations stopped, Sebastian gently righted the vase and the painting.

Ciel set his teacup on its saucer. "Check the hall to see what else has been affected," he ordered.

"Right away." With that, Sebastian stepped into the hallway. He looked around and saw that nothing had fallen over or been displaced; in fact, it seemed that the hallway had not been affected at all. During all of Sebastian's many years, he had not encountered a situation such as this. What could possibly cause shaking in one room but not affect the surrounding areas? It was quite puzzling.

A loud, sustained rattling followed shortly by a crash startled Sebastian out of his thoughts. He quickly returned to the study and saw that the vase had fallen to the ground and shattered. The Young Master was standing behind his desk and looked reasonably alarmed. As Sebastian approached him, the shaking began to intensify and become irregular while wind began to swirl, lifting paper into the air.

"Sebastian! What's – oof!" A particularly intense shake had caused Ciel to lose his balance and fall over. "Sebastian!"

Sebastian leapt over the desk and moved to protect his Young Master. He moved Ciel so that his back was against the desk and Sebastian knelt so that he was covering most of Ciel's body and gently cradled the back of his head so that it would not knock against the wood of the desk.

"I apologize for the inconvenience, Young Master, but it is a precaution I must take," Sebastian said.

Ciel said nothing. He felt pretty safe, but he gripped the front of Sebastian's tailcoat for good measure. There was a loud bang as if something large had fallen over and Ciel flinched and squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel Sebastian's grip on him tighten ever so slightly. The floor and the desk seemed to ripple against him and there was a brief, stomach-churning moment where the seemingly solid support of his surroundings disappeared and he and Sebastian began to fall. The floor reappeared after a moment or two, but the support at his back didn't, so Ciel fell flat onto the floor, taking Sebastian with him. Ciel heard Sebastian grunt upon impact and then there was silence.

There were a couple heartbeats of this silence before Sebastian spoke quietly. "Are you alright, Young Master?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Ciel responded.

Silence passed between them for a moment before Sebastian spoke again. "You can let go of me now, sir," he murmured.

"Oh. Right. Of course," Ciel muttered. He released Sebastian's tailcoat and waited for him to move.

As Sebastian helped him up, a voice called out, "Are you guys okay?" Quick steps clicked over to them and the question was repeated.

Ciel straightened up and looked at the person addressing them, who was a boy about his height with blonde hair and a lavender blazer, clutching a pink stuffed rabbit to his chest with a very concerned expression on his face.

"I am uninjured," Ciel told the boy as Sebastian brushed him off.

The boy relaxed and smiled. "Oh good, I was worried." He stuck out his hand and continued, "My name is Honey. What's your name?"

Ciel hesitantly shook his hand, wondering at the strange name. "My name is Ciel Phantomhive. What is this place?"

Honey grinned and turned to the group of six boys in a similar uniform and they took this as their cue to walk forward.

"I believe I can answer that question," said the tall, lanky blonde in the center. "This is Ouran High School," he made a sweeping gesture at the room around them, "and we are the Host Club!"

"What is it that you do as the Host Club?" Ciel asked.

"Since Ouran consists mostly of rich kids with too much free time," the blonde responded, "we aim to entertain and amuse the ladies with our services and give them a good time."

Ciel looked confused and uncertain. "So this means," he began slowly," that you seven are essentially prostitutes?"

Most of them had the good sense to look horrified, but the red-headed twins had the audacity to laugh hysterically.

"That's more accurate than you think!" cried one.

"It's probably the best description of us I've ever heard!" exclaimed the other.

"No no no! It's not like that!" the tall blonde interjected. "There aren't any sexual activities here, absolutely not! We have more class than that!"

"Allow me to clear up the confusion." A dark-haired teen with glasses stepped forward. "But first, let me introduce ourselves. My name is Kyoya. The one defending the honor of the Host Club is our fearless leader, Tamaki." Kyoya gestured to the people he was introducing as he mentioned them. "The twins are Hikaru and Kaoru. I'll leave you to figure out who's who. You've already met Honey and the one Honey is currently climbing on is Mori. Last, but not least, is our newest member Haruhi.

"Now to properly explain the Host Club to you. We _do not_ provide any sexual services because that would be illegal, since we are all under eighteen. We are essentially a dating service without any commitment for either party. We intend only to delight and enchant the ladies. We all have too much free time and this is better than getting into trouble. Judging by your attire, I get the feeling that the phrase 'dating service' would go over your head, but the phrase 'casual courting' would probably make more sense to you. Any questions so far?"

"Not on what you've just told me," Ciel replied, "but I want to know how we got here and where and when 'here' is."

"Unfortunately, I can't tell you anything about how because we know as much as you do about this," Kyoya told him. "As for your other two questions, the year is 2006 and we are currently in Japan."

Ciel stared at him for a moment before speaking in perplexed astonishment. "But that's impossible! We are from England in 1889! And furthermore, how are we understanding each other? This whole situation is entirely improbable!"

"That is very interesting; it seems we are dealing with both spatial and temporal displacement," Kyoya murmured.

"Now, this is all good and well," Tamaki interrupted, "but you two are stuck here for now, so we might as well get acquainted with each other. We can figure out all of this later, can't we?"

Kyoya opened his mouth to speak, but Tamaki kept going. "You have introduced yourself, Ciel, but what about your companion?" Tamaki smirked and waltzed over to them, casually gripping Sebastian's tie. "Who's tall, dark, and handsome over here?"

Ciel looked vaguely disgusted. "He is my butler, Sebastian. I don't know what you're planning on doing with him, but he's off limits."

Tamaki released his tie as Honey jumped down from his perch on Mori's shoulders and dashed over to the newcomers and began speaking excitedly. "Now that we've all been properly introduced, we can have cake!" Honey grinned, grabbed Ciel's hand and began marching away from the other two. "I'll show you where we keep the cake and sweets!"

Ciel stumbled briefly as Honey began walking rather quickly across the spacious room. Ciel looked back and found that Sebastian was following after them, looking very amused. Ciel scowled, but it only served to stretch his butler's smile wider. The young earl huffed and focused on keeping up with Honey.

"We keep them in here," Honey said as they neared a set of double doors. He stopped suddenly just in front of the doors, nearly causing Ciel to run into him. Honey turned around, looking very concerned. "You _do_ like sweets, don't you?" he asked.

"Of course I like sweets," Ciel scoffed. "Why would I not like sweets when my butler makes the best sweets in the world?"

Honey grinned and turned back to the double doors. "Then let's go in!"

During this exchange, Sebastian had slid up next to the doors and now he pressed one open, allowing the boys to pass through.

Honey led the little lord in front of the large case and let go of his hand and looked at him, grinning and clutching his stuffed bunny to his chest.

Ciel's jaw dropped slightly as he took in the sight of all the cakes and sweets displayed before him. His mouth began to water at the thought of having a taste of any and all of the sweets in the case.

"Go on," said Tamaki behind them, evidently having come in behind them. "Take your pick; we have a large selection and can easily replenish our supply"

The twins came up on either side of Ciel and rested their arms on his shoulders. "Honey has a voracious appetite for sweets," said the one on his right.

"It's hard to keep sweets and cake in our case when he eats them all up," said the other.

"It's an impressive selection, is it not?" the twins said in perfect unison.

"It is," Ciel agreed. "Is there a limit to how much I can have?"

"Nope!" the twins replied jovially.

"Excellent." A smile slowly spread across Ciel's face.

Sebastian sighed. "Make sure, Young Master, that you do not earn yourself a stomach ache for your gluttony."

"I didn't ask you for an opinion, Sebastian." Ciel shot back without looking at him.

The twins laughed. "So what are you going to start with?"

Ciel spied a chocolate cake in one of the cubby holes. "Let's start with that one," he said as he pointed at his desired cake.

"Good choice," Honey commented.

Sebastian pulled it down and set it on a nearby table to cut it while Haruhi retrieved the dishes for the cake.

The cake was served in the main room and Ciel took a bite of his slice, chewing thoughtfully on it. After a moment, he declared, "It's decent. Not as good as Sebastian's sweets, though." He proceeded to take another bite of cake.

Honey stared at him for a moment before smiling. "Do you think you could have Sebastian make us some of these sweets?"

"Sure. Sebastian, get us another cake," Ciel demanded.

"Right away, sir," Sebastian replied.

"You're a proper little tyrant, aren't you?" Kyoya commented.

"What of it?" Ciel took another bite of cake, now halfway finished with his current slice.

"Well, I was thinking that if you're going to stay here for who knows how long, you might as well contribute to the Host Club," Kyoya replied. "The ladies might like your personality."

Ciel frowned. "I'm not joining the Host Club. And besides, I have a fiancée."

Kyoya raised an eyebrow at the latter statement, but continued nonetheless. "I'm not asking you to court them, I'm just asking you to talk to them. If you talk to them, I'll make arrangements for your stay here."

"I'll consider it," Ciel said as Sebastian returned with another slice of cake for Ciel and Honey.

"I don't think you'll have time to consider it," Tamaki interrupted, "because the ladies will be arriving any moment."

As if on cue, the door opened and multiple teenage girls came in and rushed over to where they were. Upon seeing Ciel, they immediately began cooing and squealing over him.

Ciel looked over at Tamaki incredulously as if to say, "What the hell is going on?!" He then looked over at Sebastian with a helpless expression, silently asking for assistance.

Across from him, Honey smiled. "It looks like they like you already!"

Ciel attempted to extract himself from the girls, but found his efforts futile. This was going to be a very long day, he decided.


End file.
